My brain Kevin and uncertainty

Strange time, isn’t it?

For the last couple of weeks we’ve all been led into a blindfolded tango we’d never danced before. We’re all watching the news waiting for the next instruction, unsure of what the next week will be made of.

I don’t know about you, but I tend to feel helpless and anxious when I’m faced with the kind of uncertainty and ambiguity that are surrounding us these days.

I should be able to handle the unknown better. After nearly a decade working in Tech, I’m a strong agile “believer” and practitioner, and the core focus of my job for the past 5 years has been to help teams navigate complex challenges and succeed in an ever-changing environment. But when it comes to facing uncertainty in my personal life, it’s a whole other story…

My idiot brain — let’s call him Kevin — likes to go for a wild spin when given the smallest reason to worry. He’s like an improv’ group: the audience shouts a random word at him and he builds a full-blown act from it. Except he doesn’t usually make it funny.

Let’s take a silly example¹ for the sake of this post…

I found a new job recently after a 3 months career break. I signed the contract in February and my start date was set to the 23rd of March. I was looking forward to my first day when the COVID situation suddenly escalated in the UK these past two weeks, with some businesses slowing (or closing) down their activities, and more and more people working remotely. As I had not heard from my new company since I signed, Kevin the Brain started his show, imagining the worst. What if they postponed my starting date until this whole thing was over because they were unable to on-board me? What if they decided to freeze on new hires because business slowed down? What would I do if I had to go longer without a job? How long could that be? What if this, what if… SHUT UP, KEVIN!

It was time to approach the situation in a more rational way.

#1. Dismantle my beliefs

First thing I try to do when I start freaking out about something is pulling apart my worries and distinguishing beliefs from facts.

Alright, so one of my fears was that my new company might postpone my starting date because they can’t handle the on-boarding with everyone working remotely. Let’s break that down and see if there’s any substance to it:

“…because they can’t handle the on-boarding with everyone working remotely”

• Why would it be impossible for them to onboard a new team member remotely? It’s happening in many companies. There are many fully remote teams across the world and they had to be created somehow! Besides, you’ve actually seen it happen in a previous company, successfully!
• Also, you’re joining a Tech company who’s striving to live by Agile principles and give their employees a flexible work environment (key reasons for choosing them in your job search, remember?), so they should be among the companies best positioned to handle remote work.
• And actually, they’ve just shared some tips for remote teams on their Twitter account, so there you go! It’s probably fine.

“My new company might postpone my starting date…”

• Can they do that? In theory, maybe? But they’d probably discuss this with you and make sure you’re fine. Again, they seem to care about their employees and they wanted you in their team, so they won’t let you down in the dirt.

Verdict: The ground under this belief is very shaky at best.

But Kevin doesn’t care. He likes to improvise on shaky grounds.

#2. Sit down with my fears

If Kevin insists on playing the What If game, might as well play it seriously.

Simple rules:

• WHAT could happen? | I take one belief at a time and expand it into its potential scenarios, exploring both the positive and the darkest paths that my brain dares to worry about.
• SO, WHAT would be the consequences? | If a particular scenario played out, how would that impact me and the people I care about? What situation/context would I have to deal with?
• THEN, WHAT could I do? | How would I handle the situation? What actions could I take to mitigate it? What resources would I have at hand to help?

This exercise, although daunting at first, helps me … 1/ face my fears and make them explicit instead of letting them lurk in the dark, 2/ get a sense of control by having a rough plan in case the worst happens, 3/ make some space in my head.

I try to do that on paper, maybe using a mind map, so that it’s all out of my brain and I don’t feel the need to revisit it again and again.

#3. Take action

Kevin feels a little better now that we’ve dumped our fears on paper and made battle plans.

But he still feels a little powerless, waiting to see how things turn out.

There’s no point in putting my potential mitigation plans in action now, as the scenarios I’ve extrapolated are still improbable.

But is there something I can do to poke at the situation and get more clarity and control in the short term? Or do I have absolutely no control or visibility over what’s happening (in which case, I skip to step #4)?

Looking at the map I drew, I try to extract small hypotheses I can easily test right now.

For instance, there’s a stupidly easy way for me to get more information about my onboarding. Contact the company, casually ask for an update. Wait for a reply and take it from there. Duh. What do you think about that, Kevin?

#4. Let go and stay present

After I sent my email to my contact in the company last Friday, there was really nothing more I could but wait. Instead of worrying myself into a restless mess with gnawed fingernails, I tried to let it go. Focused on enjoying my weekend.

More easily said than done, of course. I still felt anxious. But every time Kevin was getting agitated again, I took note of the feeling, recognised that he was worried about something I could not control, and let go of the thought.

¹ An important note

I am aware that all the worries people have in this uncertain world cannot be as easily discarded as the example I chose for this article. Some of the fears we face are very much grounded in reality. Some of mine certainly are at this moment, but I decided not to use them in this post as they feel a little too real and personal.

However, even when I have real reasons to be scared, I find the above approach useful to give my mind some rails to hold onto. It might not work for everyone, but I’m sharing it anyway.

And finally, while building resilience to deal with uncertainty is necessary, it’s important to not judge ourselves for being worried or scared. Even if it’s about the silliest things. Let’s be kind to ourselves (and to Kevin)